“I just know for myself, I struggle with so much trauma. I struggle with so many demons every single day. And that’s okay. That’s okay, but I want us to begin to create spaces where we can gently love ourselves more so that we can love each other more and really lift each other up and really support each other. I think sometimes we have trouble doing that because we really don’t love ourselves enough. If I’m not loving myself, I want to run the other way from somebody who looks like me and who has a similar experience.”—Mey’s interview with Laverne Cox (via fuckyeahautostraddle)
39. I regret that I didn’t negotiate, that I accepted the first offer most of the time. As someone who grew up poor and eloquently shifted into broke as an adult, I felt like “Hey, I’m lucky enough to get paid to do this amazing job, so whatever they offer is perfect!” NO. You’re never going to reach the realm of $100K with that attitude. I greatly undervalued myself when I was starting out. NEGOTIATE. A key part of negotiating is talking to other writers — if you know other writers personally don’t be afraid to ask what they got paid for that one article, or how much specific publishers pay in general. If you don’t know any other writers, you should contact the editor you want to pitch to and ask for their rates. This information will always change based on the person or assignment, so try to talk to people doing similar work; Malcolm Gladwell could write 400 words on a piece of toilet paper and get paid more than I earn in a year, so don’t ask him to be your baseline, you know? Unless he’s your uncle or something, I don’t know your life. I regularly reach out to other writers when I’m pitching a new publication they’ve worked for, and it helps me know what to expect when I’m negotiating.
—Danielle Henderson, writer
this whole list is great and full of really practical advice for anyone who struggles to feel like their voice is valid or their talent is necessary in a crowd of otherwise mostly likeminded/looking colleagues, but this last point in particular i had to call out on its own for being so, so correct.
Can't just be happy they're doing something nice. You gotta get pissy
I’m assuming this is in response to my reblog, which was hardly “pissy” but more of a gentle ribbing, about Panic!’s offer to make a donation to HRC for each WBC protester that turned out to picket their recent show.
Yes, it’s cute and nice of them to make a gesture like that, and it’s good press and a quick, tweetable jab at the WBC for their ridiculous antics, but it’s hardly the best they could do. There are any number of LGBT organizations that they (or their accountant, or whoever) could have picked with just the barest minimum of effort and research that are more worthy and do more actual work.
HRC is a brand, and a very-well known one, which is of course why people think of them and their stupid equals sign logo first. But they’re notorious political starfuckers who do nothing with their notoriety but throw self-congratulatory parties that raise millions, while throwing other LGBT orgs, who do the actual work, under the bus.
$1,000 to HRC is nothing but a tweet and a blip in their bottomless bucket of booze money. This emergency shelter for LGBT youth in Nashville, which recently received funds from Jack Antonoff and fun.’s Ally Coalition, can provide two weeks of emergency shelter and six weeks of counseling to a critically disenfranchised young person for around that much, or 36 survival backpacks for kids living on the street.
I told bookclub I would make a list, so why not make it now, when I am hysterical from lack of sleep because I stayed up rereading Elizabeth Wein’s incredible book from midnight until 5am?
This is a book about two young women who are brave and smart and who love each other and who love their people and who risk everything to fight the Nazis.
This is a book about bravery in the face of terror, but it’s not at all stolid and it’s not just solid, it’s also really fucking smart.
Like, seriously. This book is not going to let you off easy, ever. It’s probably smarter than you. It’s definitely smarter than me.
Have I mentioned I love unreliable narrators?
ROMANTIC FRIENDSHIPS 101: lists this book should be on.
It’s also really fucking funny sometimes. Yes, this novel is the confession of a British spy captured by the Gestapo in occupied France. But dang does she have a biting sense of humor.
This is a book conscious of class issues. It addresses them head-on. I’m not British and I definitely don’t know enough about the British class system before and during WWII to say whether its commentary is correct or incisive enough - but I will say that I was impressed with its baldness about how the system operates. “Maddie was trained to react positively to orders from people in authority.” Yeah, that. In a contemporary and widely recced YA novel.
THIS BOOK DOES NOT TALK DOWN TO ITS AUDIENCE EVER. Much like The Book Thief, to which it’s constantly compared, its explicit dealing with desperate subjects (and its great writing!) could have gotten it shelved in the adult lit section instead of YA. But it’s been written and marketed as YA, and I’m so fiercely glad of that, because teenagers face the horrible things talked about in the book, and they deserve an author who won’t sugar coat or pretend they don’t. So, trigger warning: this book talks about torture. It alludes to sexualized torture. It alludes to suicide. There’s non-consensual groping, and the very present threat of rape. This is a story about a spy held in enemy territory by secret police who are trying to extract information from her. It’s really fucking terrifying, and the book never shies away from that. It is also very respectful of its subject, painfully accurate, and not voyeuristic.
Plus, it’s nuanced. How often do we get narratives that give us the grays we need and want? Welp, start here.
It never pretends there are only British or American or white male resistance fighters or resistance leaders. This is a book that’s smart about how oppression works. “It’s a white man’s world:” that’s going to get said, but not just for the benefit of a WASP woman.
NO BUT HONESTLY THESE CHARACTERS ARE SO SPLENDID AND CLEVER AND WELL-ROUNDED AND I CRIED NINE TIMES ON REREADING THIS BOOK AND I JUST CAN’T WITH THESE FEELINGS????????
The revolution is an act of love. This story lives and breathes and deeply, deeply understands that.
speaking of reading YA - I feel like soemily hounded me to read this book (though really all she did was be excited about how great it was) and not surprising at all but SHE WAS SO RIGHT. it’s great.
“There will inevitably come a season for serious and adult contemplation — for piecing together a provisional pattern of meaning with the sharp shards of loss. There are plenty of literary works that offer this and only this. But a young adult novel also knows when to say: Whatever! Willful wish-fulfillment is what life is for.”—Young Adult Cancer Story | The Los Angeles Review of Books
King Marchand:I just find it hard to believe that you're a man.
Victoria:Because you found me attractive as a woman?
King Marchand:Yes, as a matter of fact.
Victoria:That happens frequently.
King Marchand:Not to me.
Victoria:Just proves the old adage: "There's a first time for everything."
King Marchand:I don't think so.
Victoria:But you're not a hundred per cent sure?
Victoria:Ah, but to a man like you, someone who believes he could never, under any circumstances find another man attractive, the margin between "practically" and "for sure" must be as wide as the Grand Canyon.
Rules: In a text post, list ten books that have stayed with you in some way. Don’t take but a few minutes, and don’t think too hard — they don’t have to be the “right” or “great” works,…
i got tagged in this (though it didn’t show up in my activity this time? idk, tumblr) and was halfway through answering when i realized i really had already answered here. (for what it’s worth the 5 books i’d already listed were all on this list, too, so points for consistency?)
It has definitely grown on me, but I think part if that is because we are getting to know Cameron and Donna better, and I care WAY more about them than either Joe or Gordon. The episode with the wiped disks was the turning point for me, largely because of the interaction between then women. I suddenly became a lot more invested in these characters. Though, I still can’t stand Joe.
I can’t believe I went on like that about Halt and Catch Fire and didn’t talk about Donna. Donna and those wiped disks are way more of the reason I kept watching than Joe screaming into the void. I thought I would care about Gordon more than I do, and now I don’t but am FULLY into Donna being the most interesting person on the show. Also I don’t like Joe, but I’m interested in him. I think. If this show is really about the violent capitalism of the ’80s and gender and less about this obvious story about how we all rely on technology now, that would be cool. So we’ll see.
We think it is rape culture or gun violence that will define us as a fallen civilization. But it’s the indifference that will do us in. It’s our fierce commitment to independence — emotional, cultural, financial, spiritual — as our most prized and noble value that dooms us.
We are nothing without each other, nothing if all we can manage is protecting our own children, nursing our individual grief, urging others to be more like someone else who was “independent” enough to “move on” and “dust herself off” and “get over it.”
We look at little girls like Jada and we call her brave for speaking out against her own ongoing violation. She whose small body has withstood a behemoth of trauma is now expected to be publicly strong enough to fight an Internet meme proliferating faster than her own words can carry.
It is foolish to think that by devoting a few tweets or blog entries over a news cycle we are truly standing with her. It is foolish to think that standing with someone online or in a city hall or by a courtroom telecast on TV is affecting longterm change. I am often of the mind that girls who’ve gone through what Jada has don’t need us to stand with them. They need to be swept off their feet, hoisted onto our backs or shoulders, and carried. We carry the Jadas of the world by teaching their peers, that it is their own inability to empathize with her, their own voracious appetites for cell phone footage of active crime scenes, their own shrugging in the face of others’ tears that eggs their friends on. We carry her by emphasizing to young women and young men already embroiled in these dark, embittering battles that their is us and them when it comes to rape. You are not better if it has not happened to you. You will not be praised for never having done it or for leaving the scene as it’s about to occur and keeping silent about the terror you sensed there, afterward.
“The United States is still a democratic republic, formally, but what that actually means in practice is increasingly in doubt — and the Hobby Lobby ruling, deeply disingenuous and sharply at odds with centuries of Anglo-American law, exemplifies how that formal reality is increasingly mocked in practice. It is a practice best described as neo-feudalism, taking power away from ordinary citizens, in all their pluralistic, idiosyncratic diversity, and handing it over to corporations and religious dictators in both the public and the private realm.”—
in my head this sounded like that moment at the beginning of the x-files where mulder asks his secret source whether “they” (aliens) are here, and deep throat says, “mr. mulder, they’ve been here for a very long time.”
“I really like “The Star Spangled Banner.” I mean, it is kind of hard to sing, though, with all those arpeggios…. The words are great, though. Just a lot of questions, written during a fire. Things like ‘Hey, do you see anything over there?’ ‘I dunno, there’s a lot of smoke.’ ‘Say, isn’t that a flag?’ ‘Hmm, couldn’t say, really. It’s pretty early in the morning.’ ‘Hey, do you smell something burning?’ I mean, that’s the whole song.”—Laurie Anderson, 1990 (via chiasmuslovesme)
“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your own soul according to the fashion. Rather, follow your most intense obsessions mercilessly.”—Franz Kafka (via scribereautmori)
An impressive, and important, follow-up story about the lawsuit against Tinder - a really great example of 2nd day (or 3rd day) that allows a well-informed beat reporter to dig in and analyze evidence and find the likely truth of a story.
I spent a short and intense two weeks last summer reporting out a Tinder feature for Bloomberg Businessweek. What I found was a meteoric startup that wasn’t really a startup, owing to the fact that Tinder was born in an IAC incubator, and IAC owned and controlled the company. Rad and Mateen seemed to be playing make-believe in a lot of ways. They were keen to hide the IAC arrangement (“They’re sort of our partner in this”) and pretend that they were living the dream of being wined and dined by Silicon Valley moneymen (“We are being bombarded by venture capitalists … it’s very overwhelming”). When I talked to their minders at IAC and the incubator, executives were often dismissive of the two youngsters—happy to let them spin grand visions and soak up founder acclaim, while telling grownups, i.e. Wall Street analysts and investors, that Tinder was simply a lure to get millennials to pay later in life for IAC’s profitable dating service Match.com.
One big way in which Rad and Mateen seemed to be off in their own world was the malleable—even fictive—way they thought they could tell the story of how Tinder was born. In their version of the story, the two of them thought up Tinder before either worked for the IAC incubator and were responsible for the app’s success. This is no more true than the idea that Tyler and Cameron Winklevoss invented Facebook (FB). Many location-based dating apps were already on the market, and more were bouncing around as ideas in entrepreneurs’ heads. Here is the truth as I see it, having spoken to nearly everyone who was involved in the project: What made Tinder Tinder was the work of a team: Joe Munoz, who built the technical back end; Jonathan Badeen, who wrote the iOS code; Christopher Gulczynski, who created the design; Rad, who played point.