refuse to give up my obsession

"We can demand apologies and force PR teams to write statements, but if we fail to understand why others think and believe the way they do, we will never be able to help them evolve. Social justice workers are taught to ‘meet people where they are.’ All too often it seems our real goal is to drag others who think differently to where we want them to be, kicking and screaming, without investing real time in the lives and experiences of others. As a friend once told me, that pathway results in social justice work being ‘incredibly social’ and ‘insufficiently just.’"
"I just know for myself, I struggle with so much trauma. I struggle with so many demons every single day. And that’s okay. That’s okay, but I want us to begin to create spaces where we can gently love ourselves more so that we can love each other more and really lift each other up and really support each other. I think sometimes we have trouble doing that because we really don’t love ourselves enough. If I’m not loving myself, I want to run the other way from somebody who looks like me and who has a similar experience."

      39 Pieces Of Advice For Journalists And Writers Of Color

39. I regret that I didn’t negotiate, that I accepted the first offer most of the time. As someone who grew up poor and eloquently shifted into broke as an adult, I felt like “Hey, I’m lucky enough to get paid to do this amazing job, so whatever they offer is perfect!” NO. You’re never going to reach the realm of $100K with that attitude. I greatly undervalued myself when I was starting out. NEGOTIATE. A key part of negotiating is talking to other writers — if you know other writers personally don’t be afraid to ask what they got paid for that one article, or how much specific publishers pay in general. If you don’t know any other writers, you should contact the editor you want to pitch to and ask for their rates. This information will always change based on the person or assignment, so try to talk to people doing similar work; Malcolm Gladwell could write 400 words on a piece of toilet paper and get paid more than I earn in a year, so don’t ask him to be your baseline, you know? Unless he’s your uncle or something, I don’t know your life. I regularly reach out to other writers when I’m pitching a new publication they’ve worked for, and it helps me know what to expect when I’m negotiating.

—Danielle Henderson, writer

this whole list is great and full of really practical advice for anyone who struggles to feel like their voice is valid or their talent is necessary in a crowd of otherwise mostly likeminded/looking colleagues, but this last point in particular i had to call out on its own for being so, so correct.


The Rumblr’s in-house astrologer, Madame Clairevoyant, presents her latest dispatch from the stars:

Aries: You might start to doubt yourself week, you might start to feel lost, you might wonder what you’re doing. This is not the worst thing. This is a week for strange growth, for opening yourself up. It’s a week for asking for love when you need it, for asking for help when you need it, for letting other people surprise you. Listen to the radio. Listen to the sounds of your city. You won’t be alone, even when you feel a little shaky on your own feet. You can be understood, even when wild inside your head.

Today’s image was made specially for Madame Clairevoyant by Jen May.

Can't just be happy they're doing something nice. You gotta get pissy


I’m assuming this is in response to my reblog, which was hardly “pissy” but more of a gentle ribbing, about Panic!’s offer to make a donation to HRC for each WBC protester that turned out to picket their recent show.

Yes, it’s cute and nice of them to make a gesture like that, and it’s good press and a quick, tweetable jab at the WBC for their ridiculous antics, but it’s hardly the best they could do. There are any number of LGBT organizations that they (or their accountant, or whoever) could have picked with just the barest minimum of effort and research that are more worthy and do more actual work.

HRC is a brand, and a very-well known one, which is of course why people think of them and their stupid equals sign logo first. But they’re notorious political starfuckers who do nothing with their notoriety but throw self-congratulatory parties that raise millions, while throwing other LGBT orgs, who do the actual work, under the bus.

So, yeah.

$1,000 to HRC is nothing but a tweet and a blip in their bottomless bucket of booze money. This emergency shelter for LGBT youth in Nashville, which recently received funds from Jack Antonoff and fun.’s Ally Coalition, can provide two weeks of emergency shelter and six weeks of counseling to a critically disenfranchised young person for around that much, or 36 survival backpacks for kids living on the street.

A long, long time ago, Benoit Denizet-Lewis and I took a gay history class together at Northwestern, where I remember him being this vaguely skate punk kind of gay guy that was not particularly prevalent in the midwest. I was a cranky queer activist/journalist in training and am pretty sure I was mostly a complete nightmare to everyone around me. (Neither of us ever made it into the still-controversial classroom of sociology professor Michael Bailey, though.)

It’s been great ever since to watch Benoit tackle all kinds of immersive stories about subcultures—mostly communities or behaviors on the brink of getting their moment in mainstream media sun. (Remember teenagers and the “group hang”?) 

His new book is about dog culture in America, but really it’s about people and how crazy we are about dogs (spoiler alert: a lot). I asked him 10 questions for OUT about how he almost quit being a writer to work rescuing strays, whether it’s OK to judge people for not liking dogs, the pushback to his most recent NYT cover story about bisexuality research, and how the lucky jerk is going to have an article he wrote about an ex-gay friend turned into a movie starring James Franco and Zachary Quinto. 

Read it at